Why are men such shits?

Ok, perhaps not ALL men are shits. But go through a divorce and spend time with other divorcing people and you will find that many men are complete and total shits. They do not want to have any responsibility for the children they have brought into this world.

Take my assoholic ex, for example. When he decided that he no longer loved me (i.e., I wasn't catering to his every whim because I had to support the family, take care of my aging and ailing parents and do ALL of the child care and house management) he dropped out of our lives. Mine and our 2 wonderful children. (Really. They are wonderful - I'm not just saying that. Everyone who meets them does.) He never realized that if he stopped spending any time with them, stopped showing any interest in their lives and began a systematic program of verbal and physical abuse that - lo and behold - they might not want to spend time with him anymore. Gee, big mental stretch there.

Fast forward a few years. We're divorced. I have sole custody. The kids are older now - teenagers. They do not want to see him, after several abortive attempts during which he ridiculed pretty much everything about them. But economic times are hard and I actually need the pitiful $100 a week in child support he has been court-ordered to send me. But he is angry that the kids refuse to see him so he stops sending checks in mid-July. Now he's 8 weeks in arrears and I have had it.

I went to Family Services and I filed the necessary papers to have him charged with a violation of the child support order and to have his salary garnished. He had asked me not to have his salary garnished because it would be "embarrassing". Like an idiot, I agreed and told him that as long as he paid me on time I wouldn't do that. Well, fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So no more being "nice". No more trying to bend over backwards so that he might have some slim hope of maintaining a relationship with the kids. Forget it.

He's a shit and a shit he will stay.

But my heart breaks for my kids when I hear them dismiss him so casually. I wonder who will walk my daughter down the aisle someday. I know kids need their father - but my kids had the misfortune to have a shit for a father and that's my responsibility. I have to live with the fact that my poor choice of spouse has created this situation. That's a hard thing to bear.

On a more positive note, the loud, hacking cougher I share an office with is out today so there is blissful peace and quiet in here.

Why are men such shits?

Ok, perhaps not ALL men are shits. But go through a divorce and spend time with other divorcing people and you will find that many men are complete and total shits. They do not want to have any responsibility for the children they have brought into this world.

Take my assoholic ex, for example. When he decided that he no longer loved me (i.e., I wasn't catering to his every whim because I had to support the family, take care of my aging and ailing parents and do ALL of the child care and house management) he dropped out of our lives. Mine and our 2 wonderful children. (Really. They are wonderful - I'm not just saying that. Everyone who meets them does.) He never realized that if he stopped spending any time with them, stopped showing any interest in their lives and began a systematic program of verbal and physical abuse that - lo and behold - they might not want to spend time with him anymore. Gee, big mental stretch there.

Fast forward a few years. We're divorced. I have sole custody. The kids are older now - teenagers. They do not want to see him, after several abortive attempts during which he ridiculed pretty much everything about them. But economic times are hard and I actually need the pitiful $100 a week in child support he has been court-ordered to send me. But he is angry that the kids refuse to see him so he stops sending checks in mid-July. Now he's 8 weeks in arrears and I have had it.

I went to Family Services and I filed the necessary papers to have him charged with a violation of the child support order and to have his salary garnished. He had asked me not to have his salary garnished because it would be "embarrassing". Like an idiot, I agreed and told him that as long as he paid me on time I wouldn't do that. Well, fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So no more being "nice". No more trying to bend over backwards so that he might have some slim hope of maintaining a relationship with the kids. Forget it.

He's a shit and a shit he will stay.

But my heart breaks for my kids when I hear them dismiss him so casually. I wonder who will walk my daughter down the aisle someday. I know kids need their father - but my kids had the misfortune to have a shit for a father and that's my responsibility. I have to live with the fact that my poor choice of spouse has created this situation. That's a hard thing to bear.

On a more positive note, the loud, hacking cougher I share an office with is out today so there is blissful peace and quiet in here.