I am not a nice person

 I am scared and mean.  I am envious and feeling spiteful.  I read so many posts on Facebook about people taking vacations, visiting their vacation homes, having fun, and all I feel these days is anger and jealousy.  I am scared witless.  I still have not found a job that will have me.  All I get are rejections or — even worse — just nothing.  No response to me at all.  I have great conversations with recruiters that then go nowhere.  I have interviews — although not many of those — and then I get silence.  I have enough money to keep us going and cover the bills for another month and then we have to make some scary and hard decisions.  I will have just enough to pay moving expenses to relocate somewhere less expensive (our rent here is $3000 a month) but then what do I do about my son?  He still lives with us but his life is here on Long Island.  I can't think about the holidays or gifts or fun or anything except the gnawing stark fear in my guts.  I can't sleep, I have trouble focusing sometimes.  And even if I can move us, what will we do for money then?  I am too young to file for Social Security.  I can't get medical coverage.  I might as well die.  This is not living.  This is just terror.  Unending terror.

I am 60 years old, I have tons of good experience, but it seems I am washed up.  No use to anyone.  I have reached out to friends and contacts.  I have sent out hundreds of resumes and cover letters.  I have applied to anything and everything that seems even remotely appropriate.  I am terrified of being homeless but I think that is exactly what is coming.  I won't even have a car because I have a leased vehicle and it will get repossessed once I can't make the payment.  

I can't believe my life ended up like this.  Useless, broke, soon to be out on the streets.