Post-divorce dating in the New Milenium - Part I

I waited until after my divorce was final before I began dating.  It seemed the right thing to do, even though I had been separated for a long time, even though my ex certainly didn't have the same scruples since he had been dating during the time I was laboring under the mistaken impression that we were happily married.  However, being a more evolved person (ha!) I waited.  I didn't want to get into the "Well, I'm not divorced yet, but I will be soon" conversations I'd heard about.

So, the divorce is final.  It's after the holidays and I spent New Year's Eve alone (except for my kids, of course) but happy.  I am a free woman - let the dating begin!!

Dating in your 40's is weird.  Dating after 20 years of marriage is weird.  Dating people you meet via something as impersonal and sterile a computer is weird.  Some of the people I have dated in the past couple of years are VERY weird.  Here are some of their stories.  (Insert thump thump a la "Law and Order" here.)

1. Angry Andrew and the Missing Inch(es).  Andrew contacted me via an online Jewish dating service.  He was a couple of years younger than I am, but not enough of an age difference to make me feel like Mrs. Robinson.  He was cute and gave good phone.  He asked me to go to the movies and to dinner and I said yes.  Dinner was nice, the movie was fun.  He put his arm around me in the theater and I felt like a teenager on her first date.  It had been a very long time since anyone had touched me.  It was nice.  He kissed quite well.  The first date was an unqualified success.

Then came the second date.  I felt like I was out with Mr. Hyde.  The sweet, funny conversationalist I had been with the other night disappeared and a cranky, complaining thundercloud took his place.  The entire conversation consisted of me nodding as he went on a diatribe about his (not quite) ex-wife (the fact that he was not fully divorced was news to me), his daughter, his job, his career as a cop - which is evidently the only thing that he has ever liked, and all the people who were out to "screw him".  Words that would be O so ironic soon.

Well, I thought, everyone has a bad day.  Sometimes people need someone to vent to.  Lord knows I have.  I let it slide.

The third date he had to cancel on me - he was ill.  He clearly wasn't faking - he sounded awful on the phone.  It was fine, I wasn't upset.  I was supposed to drive out to his house - a considerable distance from my place.  But he had a house to himself and mine comes equipped with 2 ever-present eaves-dropping spies.  So we rescheduled.  I went out to his house.  Very impressive - a real McMansion.  He made a present for me - a huge lovely cylinder vase filled with silk roses and chocolate kisses.  Very thoughtful.

So, I'm a little smitten and very horny.  We start on the couch... then proceed upstairs to his HUGE bedroom.  Sadly that was the only thing that was sizeable.  I checked.  There was a little thing about the size of my thumb.  That was it in all it's glory.  How this man conceived a child I have no idea.  What to do?  He has to know I have noticed.  But he says nothing, I say nothing.

I grab my clothes, my vase and leave gracefully as soon as I can.

I tried a few more times, but you just can't get around something like that.  Between his constant complaining and his lack of dick, it just wasn't worth it.

2. The Irish Rover.  Brian was charming, loquacious and seemed to have a great sense of humor.  We met up at a Starbuck's which seems to be the universal meet and greet place for Internet daters.  He called me soon afterwards and made elaborate plans to whisk me into Manhattan for dining and dancing.  The day of said plans he sent me an email (an email!) and said that his sister was ill and he had to go out of town.  Ok, siblings come before dating.  No problem.  He was gone so long it ran into Presidents' week when I took the kids to Sedona, AZ for a much-needed vacation.  Brian called me from Montana while I was cruising the Grand Canyon to tell me how much he wanted to see me as soon as we were both back on the Isle of Long.  Sounded good.

I need to interject something here.  I have a friend named Leslie.  She is a single, woman about town with a career and 2 cats.  We are physically similar, so the same online seeker had more than once contacted both of us.  She had an encounter with Angry Andrew too. 

When I got back home, Brian and I made plans to go to dinner.  Leslie called me and told me she had met a new online guy.  His name is Brian.  Funny coincidence.  I told her that I had a date with Brian too.  We had a good giggle and neither of us were worried about it.  Well, she spoke to Brian before I did and told him about knowing me. 

I never heard from Brian again.  Men are strange.

More later... this is enough to slog through in one sitting.

Post-divorce dating in the New Milenium - Part I

I waited until after my divorce was final before I began dating.  It seemed the right thing to do, even though I had been separated for a long time, even though my ex certainly didn't have the same scruples since he had been dating during the time I was laboring under the mistaken impression that we were happily married.  However, being a more evolved person (ha!) I waited.  I didn't want to get into the "Well, I'm not divorced yet, but I will be soon" conversations I'd heard about.

So, the divorce is final.  It's after the holidays and I spent New Year's Eve alone (except for my kids, of course) but happy.  I am a free woman - let the dating begin!!

Dating in your 40's is weird.  Dating after 20 years of marriage is weird.  Dating people you meet via something as impersonal and sterile a computer is weird.  Some of the people I have dated in the past couple of years are VERY weird.  Here are some of their stories.  (Insert thump thump a la "Law and Order" here.)

1. Angry Andrew and the Missing Inch(es).  Andrew contacted me via an online Jewish dating service.  He was a couple of years younger than I am, but not enough of an age difference to make me feel like Mrs. Robinson.  He was cute and gave good phone.  He asked me to go to the movies and to dinner and I said yes.  Dinner was nice, the movie was fun.  He put his arm around me in the theater and I felt like a teenager on her first date.  It had been a very long time since anyone had touched me.  It was nice.  He kissed quite well.  The first date was an unqualified success.

Then came the second date.  I felt like I was out with Mr. Hyde.  The sweet, funny conversationalist I had been with the other night disappeared and a cranky, complaining thundercloud took his place.  The entire conversation consisted of me nodding as he went on a diatribe about his (not quite) ex-wife (the fact that he was not fully divorced was news to me), his daughter, his job, his career as a cop - which is evidently the only thing that he has ever liked, and all the people who were out to "screw him".  Words that would be O so ironic soon.

Well, I thought, everyone has a bad day.  Sometimes people need someone to vent to.  Lord knows I have.  I let it slide.

The third date he had to cancel on me - he was ill.  He clearly wasn't faking - he sounded awful on the phone.  It was fine, I wasn't upset.  I was supposed to drive out to his house - a considerable distance from my place.  But he had a house to himself and mine comes equipped with 2 ever-present eaves-dropping spies.  So we rescheduled.  I went out to his house.  Very impressive - a real McMansion.  He made a present for me - a huge lovely cylinder vase filled with silk roses and chocolate kisses.  Very thoughtful.

So, I'm a little smitten and very horny.  We start on the couch... then proceed upstairs to his HUGE bedroom.  Sadly that was the only thing that was sizeable.  I checked.  There was a little thing about the size of my thumb.  That was it in all it's glory.  How this man conceived a child I have no idea.  What to do?  He has to know I have noticed.  But he says nothing, I say nothing.

I grab my clothes, my vase and leave gracefully as soon as I can.

I tried a few more times, but you just can't get around something like that.  Between his constant complaining and his lack of dick, it just wasn't worth it.

2. The Irish Rover.  Brian was charming, loquacious and seemed to have a great sense of humor.  We met up at a Starbuck's which seems to be the universal meet and greet place for Internet daters.  He called me soon afterwards and made elaborate plans to whisk me into Manhattan for dining and dancing.  The day of said plans he sent me an email (an email!) and said that his sister was ill and he had to go out of town.  Ok, siblings come before dating.  No problem.  He was gone so long it ran into Presidents' week when I took the kids to Sedona, AZ for a much-needed vacation.  Brian called me from Montana while I was cruising the Grand Canyon to tell me how much he wanted to see me as soon as we were both back on the Isle of Long.  Sounded good.

I need to interject something here.  I have a friend named Leslie.  She is a single, woman about town with a career and 2 cats.  We are physically similar, so the same online seeker had more than once contacted both of us.  She had an encounter with Angry Andrew too. 

When I got back home, Brian and I made plans to go to dinner.  Leslie called me and told me she had met a new online guy.  His name is Brian.  Funny coincidence.  I told her that I had a date with Brian too.  We had a good giggle and neither of us were worried about it.  Well, she spoke to Brian before I did and told him about knowing me. 

I never heard from Brian again.  Men are strange.

More later... this is enough to slog through in one sitting.