The Talk

So, we finally had The Talk.  The one I've been wanting to have for some months now but couldn't manage to start.  The one that made me start to tear up just by bringing the subject up.

Marriage.

I want to get married.  He knows this.  He has known it, but hadn't really said anything about it which is typical of him.  I usually have to pry things out of him.  He's working on communicating better.

So, marriage.  We were talking about his ex and my ex and our respective disastrous past attempts at marriage.  I asked him "How do you feel about marriage now?"  And he said he was in favor of it.  And I, stupidly, said "Just not with me."  And he said "No, I didn't say that."

Basically he wants to get all his past financial ghosts in order before we get married because otherwise they could come after me and garnish my wages or something like that.  I respect that - we've both got bad financial past histories and we're both working very hard to clean everything up and get our respective credit reports/histories, etc. nice and clean and healthy. 

He asked me why I want to get married.  I said that there were several reasons:

1. I want the legal protection for both of us.  We're both over 50.  I want to know that if something should happen to either of us that we don't run into legal issues at hospitals, etc. because we're not actually married.  And I sure as hell don't want to be in a position where I have to call his mother because I'm not technically next of kin.  Ugh.

Right now I work for a rather enlightened firm that allows me to carry him on my health insurance even though we aren't married.  But I want to be able to change jobs in the future and not have to worry about that, especially since he wants to go freelance soon and won't have the option of having his own insurance.

2. I want him to feel secure - heck, I want that for both of us.  We've both been hurt, stomped on, trashed so much in the past by our various exes that I want us to feel that we are fully in this together with all that implies.  I know that marriage is no guarantee of anything - we both are living examples of that - but I'd like both of us to feel that we have stood before friends and family and the state of New York (or Vermont) and made it public.  That might sound silly, but I know what I mean even if I am not quite articulate about it at the moment.  I know he worries that if we have an argument he'll find his stuff out on the front lawn.  I would never do that, but he still doesn't feel secure.

3. No one has ever made me feel as whole, as complete, as much "me" as he has.  He has made my life immeasurably better and I know that I have done the same for him.  That is a commitment I want to honor and cherish and yes, being married is how I want us to express that.  I have never loved someone as much or in the way I love him and I know that he feels the same.  It's pretty powerful.

After I said all that, we both cried a little and smiled a lot.  And then we kissed in the parking lot for a while.

It's amazing the conversations you can have at diners.

And if cuervolinda is reading this, this conversation took place at the Sunrise Diner on Sunrise Highway, one of her favorite LI eateries.

The Talk

So, we finally had The Talk.  The one I've been wanting to have for some months now but couldn't manage to start.  The one that made me start to tear up just by bringing the subject up.

Marriage.

I want to get married.  He knows this.  He has known it, but hadn't really said anything about it which is typical of him.  I usually have to pry things out of him.  He's working on communicating better.

So, marriage.  We were talking about his ex and my ex and our respective disastrous past attempts at marriage.  I asked him "How do you feel about marriage now?"  And he said he was in favor of it.  And I, stupidly, said "Just not with me."  And he said "No, I didn't say that."

Basically he wants to get all his past financial ghosts in order before we get married because otherwise they could come after me and garnish my wages or something like that.  I respect that - we've both got bad financial past histories and we're both working very hard to clean everything up and get our respective credit reports/histories, etc. nice and clean and healthy. 

He asked me why I want to get married.  I said that there were several reasons:

1. I want the legal protection for both of us.  We're both over 50.  I want to know that if something should happen to either of us that we don't run into legal issues at hospitals, etc. because we're not actually married.  And I sure as hell don't want to be in a position where I have to call his mother because I'm not technically next of kin.  Ugh.

Right now I work for a rather enlightened firm that allows me to carry him on my health insurance even though we aren't married.  But I want to be able to change jobs in the future and not have to worry about that, especially since he wants to go freelance soon and won't have the option of having his own insurance.

2. I want him to feel secure - heck, I want that for both of us.  We've both been hurt, stomped on, trashed so much in the past by our various exes that I want us to feel that we are fully in this together with all that implies.  I know that marriage is no guarantee of anything - we both are living examples of that - but I'd like both of us to feel that we have stood before friends and family and the state of New York (or Vermont) and made it public.  That might sound silly, but I know what I mean even if I am not quite articulate about it at the moment.  I know he worries that if we have an argument he'll find his stuff out on the front lawn.  I would never do that, but he still doesn't feel secure.

3. No one has ever made me feel as whole, as complete, as much "me" as he has.  He has made my life immeasurably better and I know that I have done the same for him.  That is a commitment I want to honor and cherish and yes, being married is how I want us to express that.  I have never loved someone as much or in the way I love him and I know that he feels the same.  It's pretty powerful.

After I said all that, we both cried a little and smiled a lot.  And then we kissed in the parking lot for a while.

It's amazing the conversations you can have at diners.

And if cuervolinda is reading this, this conversation took place at the Sunrise Diner on Sunrise Highway, one of her favorite LI eateries.