kukla_red: (Fall apart)
... I wish that I could share some things with my ex.  I know it isn't possible.  He's a dick and he always will be.  He was abusive, violent and horrible and everyday I thank the powers that be that I no longer have to clench my gut at the sound of his car in the driveway.  We've been divorced for over 6 years and life is infinitely better than I ever though possible.

And yet...

We are the parents of 2 amazing people.  Both of them have now been accepted to college and will be starting in the fall.  My daughter has a stellar school record, honor roll every semester she's been in school, accepted to and received offers of 50%+ scholarships at every school she applied to and she's a talented writer, singer and actress as well.  My son is a warm, wonderful, generous soul who has struggled to overcome some learning disabilities and has found his niche in life.  They are both terrific humans and I am endlessly proud of them.  And while I have a wonderful partner now who shares my joy at their success and is very proud of them as well, there is a small part of me that still wishes I could pick up the phone and call their father and crow with him a little about how great the kids turned out and isn't it amazing that those little people we brought home from the hospital have become so mature and adult.

But sadly that is a conversation that will never happen.  He cannot get over his bitterness about the divorce, his hatred and blind insane wish to blame me for everything that has ever gone wrong in his life.  He almost lost the kids completely because of this and he is still on thin ice with them.

In the midst of my joy at how life is turning out now, this still causes a dark shadow occasionally.
kukla_red: (Default)
... I wish that I could share some things with my ex.  I know it isn't possible.  He's a dick and he always will be.  He was abusive, violent and horrible and everyday I thank the powers that be that I no longer have to clench my gut at the sound of his car in the driveway.  We've been divorced for over 6 years and life is infinitely better than I ever though possible.

And yet...

We are the parents of 2 amazing people.  Both of them have now been accepted to college and will be starting in the fall.  My daughter has a stellar school record, honor roll every semester she's been in school, accepted to and received offers of 50%+ scholarships at every school she applied to and she's a talented writer, singer and actress as well.  My son is a warm, wonderful, generous soul who has struggled to overcome some learning disabilities and has found his niche in life.  They are both terrific humans and I am endlessly proud of them.  And while I have a wonderful partner now who shares my joy at their success and is very proud of them as well, there is a small part of me that still wishes I could pick up the phone and call their father and crow with him a little about how great the kids turned out and isn't it amazing that those little people we brought home from the hospital have become so mature and adult.

But sadly that is a conversation that will never happen.  He cannot get over his bitterness about the divorce, his hatred and blind insane wish to blame me for everything that has ever gone wrong in his life.  He almost lost the kids completely because of this and he is still on thin ice with them.

In the midst of my joy at how life is turning out now, this still causes a dark shadow occasionally.
kukla_red: (Striped lilac)
I mean with me.  As the lovely [profile] karlita nudged me recently, I haven't posted in a while.  Mostly because I've been so busy I haven't had any time.  Since my former assistant, Chris, left near the end of January I have been working like a mad woman.  This is SO not a one person job.  Of course as soon as Chris left all kinds of cases started coming out of the woodwork.  While I am glad that the Litigation department seems to have caught on to the reason I am here, it does make it difficult to keep up with everything.  However, I am thrilled that the woman I first interviewed for a replacement accepted the offer last night.  She probably won't actually start and be useful until sometime in the middle of April, but at least I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I hated interviewing anyone else after I met with Jeanette - she is perfect and we both knew it.  But I had to go through the motions and see more candidates just to keep HR happy.  All's well that ends well.

I am looking forward to Spring and the coming of birds, flowers, warmer weather and BASEBALL.  As [personal profile] cazul_blue reminded us all yesterday, we have to set the clocks ahead on Sunday.  I don't really hold with Congress screwing around with our time but I will enjoy the added light at the end of the day even if it does mean getting up in the dark again for a little while.  And anything that gets us closer to opening day at Shea is all good in my opinion.

David and I need to plan some long weekends away.  The Lilac Festival in Rochester, NY is on the horizon and I know we'll go up for that and get to see his best friend, JC again which is always fun.  But I'm thinking that we need to plan for something else too.  Both of us have been very stressed and tired and we need a break.  The kids are going away with idiotboy for the week of April 19 - 26 and I'm debating whether we should get away then too or just stay home and enjoy the solitude.  Jury's still out on that one.  (For those who may be new to this journal, idiotboy or IB is how I refer to my ex-husband, when I'm not calling him buttface or BF.)

I have a moral dilemma to consider these days.  According to my divorce decree, if idiotboy pays any child support at all - even the measly $100 a week I have garnished from his salary - he gets to claim the kids as tax deductions.  Since $5200 a year doesn't make much of a dent in supporting 2 teenagers on Long Island, I really  think this is unfair.  Even the nice lady I spoke to at the IRS last week thinks it is unfair.  Well, I filed my 2007 taxes a couple of weeks ago and my accountant messed up and listed the kids as deductions on my return.  Evidently idiotboy has not filed his yet, which I found surprising.  Every year he brings me the paper from the IRS that I have to sign that gives him permission to claim the kids.  Usually he is Johnny on the spot with this, shoving it at me through the door sometime right after New Year's Day.  This year I hadn't heard from him about it and I was puzzled but I try not to concern myself with his doings much.  But sure as God made little green apples, this week Sarah came home from dinner with him bearing a little envelope with said form for me to sign.  Oops.  Too late.  I've already filed.

So my dilemma is this: do I do the "nice" thing and amend my taxes to let him take the deductions or do I put my foot down and say that it isn't right that he should get the deduction and let him chase me for it?  I'm not sure what the ramifications are if I stand firm.  The decree does say that he gets the deductions, but he does not support these kids.  I do.  $100 a week doesn't even cover the grocery bill for 2 teenagers.  He's never contributed a penny towards their orthodontia (over $15,000 and counting for both), school costs ($600 for Sarah's chorus trip to Boston this year alone), clothing (don't ask), and all the rest.  He's also on the hook for Aaron's college costs and I know I will never see a penny of that.

So my thought is that I will tell idiotboy when he calls me - and he will - that I will waive his having to contribute half the college expenses (which will increase mightily when Sarah goes to college in the fall of 2009) and he will let me keep the tax deductions on the kids.

Any thoughts on this from anyone?
kukla_red: (Default)
I mean with me.  As the lovely [profile] karlita nudged me recently, I haven't posted in a while.  Mostly because I've been so busy I haven't had any time.  Since my former assistant, Chris, left near the end of January I have been working like a mad woman.  This is SO not a one person job.  Of course as soon as Chris left all kinds of cases started coming out of the woodwork.  While I am glad that the Litigation department seems to have caught on to the reason I am here, it does make it difficult to keep up with everything.  However, I am thrilled that the woman I first interviewed for a replacement accepted the offer last night.  She probably won't actually start and be useful until sometime in the middle of April, but at least I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I hated interviewing anyone else after I met with Jeanette - she is perfect and we both knew it.  But I had to go through the motions and see more candidates just to keep HR happy.  All's well that ends well.

I am looking forward to Spring and the coming of birds, flowers, warmer weather and BASEBALL.  As [personal profile] cazul_blue reminded us all yesterday, we have to set the clocks ahead on Sunday.  I don't really hold with Congress screwing around with our time but I will enjoy the added light at the end of the day even if it does mean getting up in the dark again for a little while.  And anything that gets us closer to opening day at Shea is all good in my opinion.

David and I need to plan some long weekends away.  The Lilac Festival in Rochester, NY is on the horizon and I know we'll go up for that and get to see his best friend, JC again which is always fun.  But I'm thinking that we need to plan for something else too.  Both of us have been very stressed and tired and we need a break.  The kids are going away with idiotboy for the week of April 19 - 26 and I'm debating whether we should get away then too or just stay home and enjoy the solitude.  Jury's still out on that one.  (For those who may be new to this journal, idiotboy or IB is how I refer to my ex-husband, when I'm not calling him buttface or BF.)

I have a moral dilemma to consider these days.  According to my divorce decree, if idiotboy pays any child support at all - even the measly $100 a week I have garnished from his salary - he gets to claim the kids as tax deductions.  Since $5200 a year doesn't make much of a dent in supporting 2 teenagers on Long Island, I really  think this is unfair.  Even the nice lady I spoke to at the IRS last week thinks it is unfair.  Well, I filed my 2007 taxes a couple of weeks ago and my accountant messed up and listed the kids as deductions on my return.  Evidently idiotboy has not filed his yet, which I found surprising.  Every year he brings me the paper from the IRS that I have to sign that gives him permission to claim the kids.  Usually he is Johnny on the spot with this, shoving it at me through the door sometime right after New Year's Day.  This year I hadn't heard from him about it and I was puzzled but I try not to concern myself with his doings much.  But sure as God made little green apples, this week Sarah came home from dinner with him bearing a little envelope with said form for me to sign.  Oops.  Too late.  I've already filed.

So my dilemma is this: do I do the "nice" thing and amend my taxes to let him take the deductions or do I put my foot down and say that it isn't right that he should get the deduction and let him chase me for it?  I'm not sure what the ramifications are if I stand firm.  The decree does say that he gets the deductions, but he does not support these kids.  I do.  $100 a week doesn't even cover the grocery bill for 2 teenagers.  He's never contributed a penny towards their orthodontia (over $15,000 and counting for both), school costs ($600 for Sarah's chorus trip to Boston this year alone), clothing (don't ask), and all the rest.  He's also on the hook for Aaron's college costs and I know I will never see a penny of that.

So my thought is that I will tell idiotboy when he calls me - and he will - that I will waive his having to contribute half the college expenses (which will increase mightily when Sarah goes to college in the fall of 2009) and he will let me keep the tax deductions on the kids.

Any thoughts on this from anyone?
kukla_red: (Default)
As in, I am glad I am not one.  I have a friend who is almost at the end of her divorce process.  She's been through a lot with her stbx - he's a cheap, mean-spirited man who still cannot understand why she left him.  She has to co-parent with him and I know that has been difficult.  However, they are almost done - just waiting for the judge to sign off on the order.  Her 2 boys are doing well, she's living in a nice apartment and getting ready to lease another new car.  She has a great job near home and that's going well too.

But... (and you knew there would be a but here didn't you?) she seems to be turning into a real self-centered hardass.  When we IM - which is our main point of communication - she is all about her: what's going on in HER life with HER family and HER job and HER love life, etc.  When I told her about my trip to CA being cancelled and that I was really disappointed and sad about it, I didn't get even the slightest "O too bad" from her.  She immediately switched the topic back to her latest date from match.com.  She wasn't like this before.  Lately, she comes off so hard it is getting a little scary.  She's SO down on men in general - it's a wonder she gets any dates at all.  Well, not really.  She's very pretty, petite, slim, active and vivacious so it's no suprise that guys fall all over her.  However, her negative mindset and sense of entitlement is (I believe) driving all her dates away.  She's pissed that the guy she's had 3 dates with is still on match.com looking for who else is out there, but she is doing the same thing!  She's talking to at least 2 other guys and even met one for a drink and had plans to meet another one.  So why is it OK for her to do it but not him?  She wants guys to jump through hoops for her, if they don't call exactly when they say they will she cuts them off at the knees and never speaks to them again and she seems to think she should be treated like a perpetual princess.

I hope this is a temporary thing and is directly related to her divorce being almost final.  Because if this is how she really is, she's going to be alone for a long time.
kukla_red: (Default)
As in, I am glad I am not one.  I have a friend who is almost at the end of her divorce process.  She's been through a lot with her stbx - he's a cheap, mean-spirited man who still cannot understand why she left him.  She has to co-parent with him and I know that has been difficult.  However, they are almost done - just waiting for the judge to sign off on the order.  Her 2 boys are doing well, she's living in a nice apartment and getting ready to lease another new car.  She has a great job near home and that's going well too.

But... (and you knew there would be a but here didn't you?) she seems to be turning into a real self-centered hardass.  When we IM - which is our main point of communication - she is all about her: what's going on in HER life with HER family and HER job and HER love life, etc.  When I told her about my trip to CA being cancelled and that I was really disappointed and sad about it, I didn't get even the slightest "O too bad" from her.  She immediately switched the topic back to her latest date from match.com.  She wasn't like this before.  Lately, she comes off so hard it is getting a little scary.  She's SO down on men in general - it's a wonder she gets any dates at all.  Well, not really.  She's very pretty, petite, slim, active and vivacious so it's no suprise that guys fall all over her.  However, her negative mindset and sense of entitlement is (I believe) driving all her dates away.  She's pissed that the guy she's had 3 dates with is still on match.com looking for who else is out there, but she is doing the same thing!  She's talking to at least 2 other guys and even met one for a drink and had plans to meet another one.  So why is it OK for her to do it but not him?  She wants guys to jump through hoops for her, if they don't call exactly when they say they will she cuts them off at the knees and never speaks to them again and she seems to think she should be treated like a perpetual princess.

I hope this is a temporary thing and is directly related to her divorce being almost final.  Because if this is how she really is, she's going to be alone for a long time.

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